Saturday, July 20, 2013

Marital Hilarity

So much has been going on lately, I have really been losing track of just about everything:

my schoolwork that needs to be done
my exercise regime
my left flip flop....  
(Where the heck has that thing gone?! I'm seriously considering just mis-matching shoes to see if anyone notices...)

Anyway, I have been neglecting the blog a little bit and I want to fix'er up before it gets out of hand like last time.


My husband is my best friend.  In just every possible way.
We have our romantic moments
And our silly moments
and our just downright hilarious "bro-moments"

I have joked with him for years that he got a great deal with me.  I grew up with 7 brothers so I know my way around the male brain and sense of humor all too well, so he got a great gig marrying me, because I can be a sweet little wifey, and then I can be his bro.
He doesn't particularly like me referring to myself as a "bro"... none-too-sexy I'll admit, but I can't think of a better way to describe it.

Anywho, here is a little marital-hilarity plucked from my own life that I thought I would share with you all.

1.  Popping Zits.
     Ok this is one I REALLY hope I'm not alone on.  I love popping zits.  It's a sickness.... ok, it's not that weird is it?  If I have one he gets it, If I find one on him it's pay day!  lol, this may be sounding gross to those of you who AREN'T in the club, so let's move on...

2.  Stinky Pits.
     I know this is another strange one, but I think forcing my husband to smell my stinky pits is too darn hilarious.  Don't worry, he does it to me too.  You know you are just SICK in love with someone when you start to love the smell of their stinky pits.  moving on...

3.  Farting.
     I remember as a kid my parents would fart on the couch or something and I would think, "oh my gosh, like totally, I would never do that in front of a boy, like ever!"  (love all those "likes", like, omg).  Then I got married.  I remember that for the first about 3 months we were living together I was walking around clinching all the time.  I would inconspicuously, or so I thought, sneak off to poot.  Well, one night after eating something especially fibrous (yikes) I just burst out and said, "I should be about to poot in my own house!"  Elliott just looked at me a little crazy...  he just said "ok".  Not 5 minutes later, he ripped the loudest fart I have EVER heard and laughed at me sooooo hard when I was appauled, and simply stated, "You asked for it".  And that was the beginning of that.

4.  The Dutch Oven.
     This is along the same vein as the entry above, with just a few subtle differences.  After the proverbial flood gates of farting had opened he told me one night about some friends of his who were talking about dutch-ovening their wives and how funny it was.  I, as a newlywed young woman, who had just established my right to quietly toot, was disgusted.  I couldn't believe that there could be any passion in a marriage where that was a funny activity/passtime.  Well, one night Elliott dutch-ovened me... it was HORRIFIC.... and friggin' hilarious.  This one doesn't happen to often, but when it does we both just die laughing.  (And for the record, we have a great deal of passion despite this little bit of funny, so myth: busted.)

5.  Foot Rubs.
     This one is not so funny, just awesome.  I hate feet.  I love little baby feet, and I love my feet (they are truly quite lovely if I do say so) however, all others are disgusting to me.  That simple fact just convinces me further that I am drop dead ridiculous in love with this man.  I LOVE his feet.  I rub them, I kiss them, all of it.  They are beautiful to me.  That's another little weirdy for ya.  You're welcome.

6.  I'd like to check you for ticks.
     For those of your country music fans, this is a familiar little diddy.  And if you DON't know it, then get busy watching:

This is one of those reassuring things, not unlike zit popping, where it sure is nice to know there is someone who can reach the spots that you can't.  If you have been around The Puppy for a while then you may remember this post about going to the state park for a mental health day.  We picked up SOOOOO many teeny tiny little "seed" ticks that day walking the trails, it was just stupid.  I'll leave out all the gory details, but, yeah, it's nice to have someone check for ticks in places you can't see... the end.

7.  Toilet time.
     If you had told me when I first got married that this would be a part of the deal almost 7 years later I would have slapped you silly.  I used to plan my toilet time for when hubby was at work, and on the weekends he had better take a LONG time taking out the trash.  Nowadays we talk to each other in the bathroom.  like he goes and I follow and I sit on the side of the bathtub and we just carry on our conversation as if nothing fishy, (or rather, stinky, heyo!) is going on.  We also spend a decent amount of time talking about toilet time.  for instance, I texted him at work today to tell him about it.  yeah... we're close like that...
So there you are.
If you are unmarried or cohabiting, then here ya go.  These are just a few things to look forward to.  
If you are married/cohabiting, then hello, congrats, and welcome to my club.
We burp, fart, poop, and go zit hunting.  We are in love. 
 and it's friggin' awesome.
stinky, yucky, and lovely. 

If you have a few that I didn't include please, please share!  
I just dished out some self-embarrassment on ya, 
Return the favor in the comments below


Bethany Kline said...

Are we living the same life or Unfortunately he doesn't share the zit passion with me and he hates that I try to get any he has :-)

Bethany Kline said...


Bethany Kline said...

Not a fan of brad paisley although I do like his new song where the little boy gets a gf at the beach or whatever. hope you'll stop by and check me out


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